My wallet

Ben Robinson

Ben Robinson

All About Ben

By Ben Robinson

I am kind of at a loss today because I do not have my wallet. I got up this morning, got dressed, grabbed my stuff and headed out to the car, ready for another interesting week of work. Then I casually felt in my back pocket and found nothing. No wallet.

No problem. I probably left it in the car. I quickly searched the car, and I could not find it. The clock was ticking away, so I needed to be on the road soon, or be late for the job I appreciate so much. I returned to the house, looked around and still no wallet.

Reluctantly I started the car and pulled out into the world. “Maybe I will be able to come home for lunch, then find the wallet,” I thought. “Hope I don’t run into any Highway Patrol on my way to work.”

Of course, my worries were premature. The Highway Patrol generally does not stop you just because you look like somebody who does not have a driver’s license. If you happen to have problems, you can just show some form of ID, they can radio in to find out if you have a license, or if you are some kind of convicted drug dealer on the run. Still, it’s illegal to drive without a copy of your license on hand, but generally they understand that you are human, or in my case, stupid.

I had to drive past the store this morning without getting my soft drink. There is a good-looking girl working there now, though I understand she recently got married. I don’t know what I am thinking, that perhaps she will ring up my soft drink, smile and say “Things are not working with my new husband, so he’s out. I want to marry you now and have your idiot children.” And the children would likely be idiots, taking after their father. Let’s hope they at least get their looks from their mother. Otherwise I might wind up with ugly kids who can’t keep up with their wallets.

Either way, with no wallet, I simply drove past the store. I know that deep down, she probably missed me.

Hopefully I will find my wallet. I just renewed my driver’s license, and I don’t want to get a new version. The lady at the highway department might say, “You again? These things last 10 years, you know.”

My credit cards are also in the wallet, or at least the ones from the folks still naive enough to give me credit. No loss there. If somebody tries to use one of them, they will have the humiliation I have had of having a nice-looking teenage girl say “Yeah, right.”

But not having the wallet has a psychological affect on me. Honestly, I probably would not spend much today anyhow. But knowing I can’t will drive me crazy, or crazier. I will go through today wanting to call up one of those DVD places and order the latest Sandra Bullock movie.

Of course, depending on whether I misplaced my wallet or it was stolen, the charge for the video may already be on the card.