Unemployment blues

by Ben Robinson

I hate to say it, but this unemployment stuff is really getting old.
Basically, I just do nothing all week, then collect a check. It’s almost like I’ve been promoted to management. Of course, the guys who are managers collect a larger paycheck than I ever did. But in their defense, they do less than I ever did, so I guess somehow that is fair.

The thing that kills me is that somehow there are a few jobs I’ve applied for that I did not get because they say I am over-qualified. How in the world could I be over-qualified for anything? For the past 24 years I have made my living covering local news and sports and writing a humor column each week.

Covering local sports is easy. Your readers want to support the hometown team, so you don’t want to blast anybody with something like “Hometown team stinks up the field Friday night.”
But you want to have the truth in the paper, so you could put, “Hometown team could have smelled better.”

Generally, since every athlete I cover is doing something that my fat body simply cannot, I’m pretty much impressed by whatever effort a team can make, so I do not dwell on a team’s mistakes in my articles.

As far as local news goes, I try to keep that positive too, which is often hard when tax increases are in the news. But I avoid statements such as “Politicians to waste more of your money.” I just report where the tax dollars are being spent, and the readers decide if their tax dollars are being spent wisely.

As for the columns, that’s pretty much whatever is on my mind each week. I try not to speak over anyone’s head, trying to convince them that I am smart, and apparently I have been rather successful at that.

Several people have told me that I don’t seem to be very smart. I always accept that as a compliment.
So how could I be overqualified for a job?

Then on other jobs I’m told that I lack the talent needed for the job.

I”m reminded of the old television show “Mama’s Family.” In one episode Mama, played by Vicki Lawrence, was applying for a job. The potential new boss asked, “Do you know how to answer a phone?”

She replied, “No, when it rings at my house, I just run around screaming ‘What do I do? What do I do?’”

Apparently, I’ve given the impression that answering the phone is a task too difficult for my limited mind, because I did not get the job.

So I will keep looking for that position difficult enough to provide me with a challenge, but easy enough that I can do it despite my apparent lack of intelligence. That shouldn’t be so difficult, should it?